Story time, kids!
I had recently decided to self-publish my ‘book’ through a company in Pennsylvania. I use the term book lightly only because I’m a stubborn little man who refuses to bend to the market’s adamant proclamation that it is, in fact, a manuscript; not a book. Whatever. Further, I find it my responsibility to inform you the difference between a real publisher and a self publisher:
Real Publisher – Buys the rights to your Mook entirely, often by forwarding you what they would expect to make from it in the first year before they go and edit to their heart’s content. They could come to you and tell you to re-write, remove a character, change the ending, etc, but ultimately they say what happens to that Banuscript because you sold it. Of course, this doesn’t include the inane hours of convincing it would take you to have them even look at your Manuscrook — Nay, consider looking at your Boanuscrook.
Self Publisher – Doesn’t care about the content of the Mabooscrik because you are paying them to just throw it on the press. Why should they care what it is about if they’ve already made their money? Of course, this is a guarantee to get your Bookuscript on a shelf… Somewhere… But that’s just it: Who knows where? Who knows if it will be seen? Not you, that’s for sure.
Back to my story…
Well, I forked over some money and for a time it was good. My Boonuscript went through editing and was returned to me for approval. After the 17th typo, I gave up reading over their changes and sent an email explaining that I deserve a second edit (because my money only paid for one). They obliged and took nearly three weeks to edit a second time. After the corrections were returned to me, I found more typos.
At this point, I seriously considered what I was getting out of this process and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t much. So I sent a nasty-gram asking for my money back and that I would be taking my services elsewhere. Which brings us to this morning.
06:41 AM — Raul’s Bedroom — Oahu, Hawaii
The 80’s greeted me into the realm of the conscious with the post-punk, British favorite “I Melt with You” by Modern English that I tastefully have chosen for my ringtone. Groggy, I clamor to my dresser where my phone docks to my Bose speaker system (it makes a great alarm clock) to discover my former publisher is calling me.
I am greeted by a customer service representative that proceeds to try to convince me to stay with their company.
“Mr. H, I will personally supervise the next revision of your manuscript and make sure you are given free copies of your book when finished.”
“No, I had already made up my mind.”
“May I ask what made you come to your decision?”
“I kept finding errors in the editing process, and I would like to take my book a little more seriously.”
“But with a 3 to 4 month turn-around, we can get your book on a shelf guaranteed. You can’t get that from a traditional publisher.”
“But at least with a traditional publisher, I will have the comfort in knowing that I have a quality product on the shelf.”
“Mr. H, did you know that New York based publishing houses are experiencing downsizing and laying off employees due to the recession?”
“I have no doubt.”
“And that makes it incredibly difficult to publish a book?”
At this point, I was considering asking her if she was under the impression the publishing industry was going to crash entirely. If she was insinuating that no books are being published… amidst several questions, but instead I went for something else…
“Do you even have the statistics to support that statement?”
“Would you like me to look into it and email you?”
“No, don’t bother please. I had already made up my mind.”
“Mr. H, with the economy where it is, you won’t be able to find an agent let alone a publisher to take your manuscript.”
“I recognize how difficult the process is.”
“Our services will be able to get your manuscript out and seen. Your service representative acts as your personal agent…”
“But how can my book be taken seriously if it can’t even be edited correctly?”
“Give us another chance, Mr. H, I will oversee the process and ensure you get the extra copies we said we would provide you.”
“That guarantees nothing. The motivations between a self publisher and a traditional publisher are entirely different.”
“If you would allow us just one more chance, Mr. H, I promise you…”
“No, thank you. I have made my decision and I would like my refund.”
So there you have it. I’m off to grovel before as many publishers as possible to see if my Manbooscript will be picked up for print.
Wish me luck!